GASP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PAPRIKA JUST SHOWED UP AT MY BACK DOOR WITH THIS HIDEOUS THING ON:((GASP!!))))

Does this mean she is someone else's cat????!!!

THIS IS THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE!!

Now what am I supposed to do? Double Stuff Oreo LOVES our family! And my family loves her! She hangs out all day long on our front porch, under our patio table, on the mat by the back door. She sits on my lap in the evening and purrs up a storm. The first thing my kids do when they wake up in the morning is run to the door to see if little Sprinkles is sitting there. SERIOUSLY, NOW WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!

p.s. Call me bitter, but that collar/bandanna is quite possibly the ugliest thing I've ever seen in my life. Poor 'Rika is mortified that she had to make her McMommy Chronicles debut wearing that.

My Halloween Costume(s).

Look, I'm just going to say it:

I'm giving myself an "B" and "F" on my halloween costumes this year.

Sigh. I know. You were expecting more of me, right?

Let me break it down for you.

I'm one of those who likes for the family to coordinate their Halloween costumes.

Like last year....when we were all different versions of Super Heroes.
{This is where I should insert a picture of us from last Halloween, all dressed as superheroes. But that would mean such a picture exists. It doesn't. I'm just full of disappointment today, aren't I?}

This year, there was no coordination whatsoever. McDaddy and Carter wanted to be skeletons. And Matthew wanted to be Super Mario. And so I jumped ship and aligned myself with my friend's family.

Our costume theme idea gets an "A" for being awesome and fun:
My friend was Alice in Wonderland.
Her 1 year old was the Cheshire Cat.
And I would be The Queen of Hearts.

My friend and her daughter pulled it off perfectly and were beyond adorable.

Me, on the other hand? Had major costume malfunctions.



First of all, my costume top was too big so the choices were:

a.) Get a boob job.

OR

b.)Pin and tuck and tie and mcguyver this thing on me.

After weighing my options and checking my bank account, I chose "B".

Which of course ended up making the top look all wonky and ill-fitting.

Oh wait, that's right.

IT WAS WONKY AND ILL-FITTING.

And the dumb collar? NEVER STAYED UP!
And the crown? DID NOT FIT ON MY FAT HEAD!

And the elbow-length black gloves? KEPT FALLING DOWN!

Major costume failure. Hence the "A" for the idea but "F" for actual implementation.

However, my second Halloween costume?

Rocked the casbah.

We wore this to a Halloween party last week.

Let's talk about all the reasons I love this costume.....

a.) It took me literally TWO SECONDS to get ready.

b.) THE WHOLE FAMILY COORDINATES!!! (even Matthew who was not in this pic was a pilot!)

c.) I didn't need to get a boob job to wear it.

The $1000 costume.

Super Mario.

It is the simplest costume in the world, right?

Overalls. Red shirt. Red cap. Moustache. Easy.

So naturally, I was all "Ha! I can put that together. I'm not paying $50 for that halloween superstore version! I can make that costume EASY!"

Which was obviously the dumbest thing I've ever said.
Because it took blood, sweat, tears and over 2 months for me to put that costume together.

To be fair, the red cap, gloves, moustache and red shirt were all relatively easy to get.

But do you realize how difficult it is to find overalls here in Florida?! I've never seen anyone over the age of 6 months wearing them.

And apparently, everyone in the whole wide WORLD suddenly had a deep desire to purchase size 6 jean overalls on Ebay.

I was outbid on like 100 different auctions.

Heck, I was even outbid on auctions where I didn't even LIKE the overalls...I just wanted to WIN ONE PLEASEFORTHELOVEOFSUPERMARIOBROTHERS!!!

McDaddy came to ignore my screaming every evening as I cursed at those driving up the bid price because they were willing to pay $40 for used Gap or Old Navy or even No Name brand overalls. USED!!!

I wouldn't pay $40 for overalls even if they were brand new, people!!

And yet I continued to bid.

And?

I may have twittered something to effect of "I hate all of you bidding on size 6 denim overalls."

Which Coco may have read.

Because like a fairy godmother, I get an email from Coco with a picture of size 6 denim overalls. She stopped in a consignment shop and found them!!!

I replied: "I WILL PAY $1000 FOR THOSE OVERALLS!! DON'T LET ANYONE NEAR THEM!! GUARD THEM WITH YOUR LIFE!! THEY ARE THE LAST PAIR LEFT ON THIS PLANET!!!"

I frantically called the store, paid for them, and then paid an amount-I-will-not-write-here-because-my-husband-sometimes-reads-my-blog to have them shipped to me.

The costume was complete. Angels could be heard rejoicing.

Matthew tried it on and loved it. He wore it all around the house. I even drew a little moustache on with my eyeliner because he didn't want to mess up the fake moustache he would wear on Halloween.

If there was a picture that illustrated how I was feeling at that moment, it would look like this:

VICTORY WAS MINE.

So Halloween arrives....and it's time to put on the costume.....and...

Do you know what my son says to me?

"I don't feel like wearing that."

Oh ha ha! Oh, you're funny, Honeysweetiepreciouspumpkinbear! Ok, put on your costume now.

"No, I don't like it anymore."

I'm sorry, what? It sounded like you said you don't like it, but I must be delirious from all this halloween excitement because THIS IS YOUR COSTUME. YOU WILL WEAR IT. YOU WILL LIKE IT. MOMMY SCOURED THE ENTIRE EARTH FOR OVERALLS. MOMMY PAID RIDICULOUS POSTAGE TO HAVE OVERALLS SHIPPED TO US IN TIME FOR TONIGHT. YOU WILL WEAR THEM.

"I'M NOT WEARING IT."

And do you know what he picks out to wear?

A Halloween shirt that has been sitting in his closet for the past 2 years THAT DOESN'T EVEN FIT HIM ANYMORE.

FINE. Wear whatever you want, Matthew.

But I'll tell you one thing: DO NOT expect me to share my thousands of dollars with you that I'm going to make when I put your overalls on Ebay tomorrow.

Next post: My Halloween Party! Stay tuned.....

Dear Kitten Who Appeared on our Doorstep,

Hmmmm.....how do I say this?

McDaddy and I are not "pet" people.

Don't get me wrong....we think they are cute and all, but honestly, we can't handle that kind of responsibility. We already have a hard enough time deciding which one of us is going to bathe the kids each night.

And so, naturally, when you--a kitten-ish cat-- appeared at our back door on Matthew's birthday.....we were all "He's cute! BUT DO NOT FEED HIM!"

And you meowed.

And we were all "Go away! We have no food!"

And you just gave us the world's most pathetic look.

And then somehow, I found myself in the kitchen putting together a small plate of pulled pork for the darn thing.

Paprika, do you realize how FAST you scarfed that thing down?!

{OK, SO I NAMED HER, ALRIGHT?! But she is NOT staying. She was just a little hungry and what was I supposed to do? Let her STARVE? I do have a heart for crying out loud!
So I just fed her once.
Ok, twice.
She loves ground beef.
And cut up chicken with a little broth.
Actually, she loves anything I make for her.
She really appreciates my cooking, I can tell.}

And as I tried to explain to you before, Pepper {Matthew's name for her}, you totally found the wrong family.

And the ONLY reason I even bought you the little can of Seafood Delight cat food at the grocery store the other day is because I turned down the wrong aisle and suddenly found myself in front of the cans of food. Seriously, Rika. That's the only reason.

And just because McDaddy named you Burrito does not mean you have wormed your way into his heart. I have no idea why he carried you from our front door, through our house, and out to the backyard last night, just so you could keep him company while he grilled.

Paprika Pepper Burrito Buttons Patches McCAT, we are NOT PET PEOPLE!!