Not A Cloud In The Sky.

Our 4th of July morning started off at the beach...without a cloud in the sky.

The same can't be said for little two year olds, though.

Happy Fourth!!!

Cheating. (w/Cheesecake)

Dear McDaddy,

I can't believe you read my blog every day now.

(Unless, of course, you start reading a post and declare it to be "girl stuff" so you jump ship halfway though. Like you told me you did with this post. )

Anyway, I thought you should know....

It's 10:31pm.

You were supposed to be putting the kids to bed.
And then joining me for a slice of heaven, aka brownie cheesecake.
Our new favorite.

But all I can hear is L-O-U-D snoring coming from Matthew's bed.

Well, the cheesecake wanted me to tell you....



You were missed.

Don't worry though....the laptop and glass of wine made for good company.

There may or may not be any cheesecake left though.

xoxo,
me

Friends Don't Let Friends Believe In Fairy Tale Labor & Deliveries

From: "Beth" (who is pregnant with first baby)
To: "Jane" (who is pregnant with second baby)
cc: McMommy

Thank you, we are so relieved that everything is going well and we’ve made it half way! So how are you feeling, Jane? I can’t wait to come see you at the hospital next month and see a pro in action…so glad you're having your baby before me so I can watch and learn from one of the best!

*************

From: Jane
To: Beth
cc: McMommy

I don’t want to let you down but I am not a good example for you to try to emulate. I literally felt like I had been hit and then run over by an 18 wheeler after my last delivery and was not able to take a shower until the last day and my husband had to get in there and wash me. I kept my hospital gown on until the last day as well because just trying to imagine taking it off was beyond what my body was capable of doing. I am HOPING this time will be better but not counting my chickens before they hatch.

***********

From: McMommy
To: Beth
cc: Jane

And on the flip side……I was the one ordering grilled cheese sandwiches, fries, and apple juice about 20 minutes after pushing Carter out. I took a shower when I got to my post-partum room, donned my robe, applied some makeup and was ready to rock and roll. Well, except for my massacred nether regions. It wasn’t ready to rock or roll. It wanted ice packed in my mesh underwear.
p.s. Jane, we didn’t fill Beth in on the mesh underwear. We’ll have to tell you all about that too, Beth, the next time we see you so you are prepared.

***********
From: Jane
To: McMommy; Beth

The mesh underwear to go along with the most enormous pads you’ve ever seen…as in you didn’t think anything that thick and long and wide was even manufactured and it must take 100 million years to break down in a land fill.

***************
From: McMommy
To: Beth
cc: Jane

Also? If you give birth vaginally…..there is something they give you called a “peri bottle”. OMG. You will want to MARRY THIS THING!!! It is the best relief ever. Because did you know they make you PEE before you can go to your post partum room??? And you will want to die and tell them “ARE YOU FLIPPIN' CRAZY?!?!?! I NEVER WANT ANYTHING TO COME OUT DOWN THERE AGAIN!!!” But the nurse will just roll her eyes at you and say “Up we go, missy. To the bathroom.” And as you sit there about to pee for the first time ever, you will pray “Please God let everything still be intact down there. Please God let everything still be working down there…..please God….”

******************
From: Jane
To: Beth
cc: McMommy

Aren’t you getting psyched for the delivery now, Beth!!!!!!

********************
From: Beth
To: Jane; McMommy

OMG…I will never sleep again!!!!!
Mesh panties…what in the hell are those? Giant pads and peri bottles???
I need a drink!!!!!

******************
From: McMommy
To: Beth
cc: Jane

Just think....In a few months, you will have your own L&D story to horrify a newly preggo with!

Sarah Jessica Parker and McMommy: A Comparison

So Sarah Jessica Parker just released the first family photo since her twin girls were born.

Wow.
Look how perfect that is.
Everyone is all enchanted with the babies.
Sarah Jessica looks so tan and vibrant. As does her hair.
The babies look so angelic in their little pink blankets, all peaceful and content.
No one is crying...not even big brother James Wilke.
Ferris Bueller Matthew Broderick looks a little older with the salt and pepper hair, but still....everyone looks picture perfect.

And then there's my first family picture, taken the evening I got home from the hospital:

1.) First of all, my husband isn't even in this photo.

2.) I look like I was sick with the flu and up with a newborn for the past 2 nights straight. Oh wait...that's right...I WAS.

3.) Would it have killed me to throw on a little lip gloss? I had to have known there was a high probability that someone was going to snap a pic of the first time Matthew met his brother.

4.) If the lip gloss was too much work, how about trying to keep MY EYES OPEN?!

5.) Did you catch the protective Mama Bear grip I've got on Carter? As if Matthew was a hungry wolf that was going to lunge at my baby cub at any moment? Could I have at least pretended for the two seconds the camera was on us that I trusted my son around his new baby brother?

6.) OMG. The enormous, pink water jug thing they give you in the hospital is in the bottom of my picture. Nice. Because heaven forbid anyone took that jug away from me and served me water in a normal glass. I would immediately break down into hysterics, crying "I'm just SO THIRSTY! Give me my jug back!!!"

7.) Oh and look.....the 24 hour coverage of the death of Anna Nicole Smith was on in the background! Because truly, isn't that what everyone wants in their new family pics?

Eat your heart out, Sarah Jessica.